Welcome to Part 14 of the weekly release of my book, Unless God Builds It: A Proposal to Radically Rethink the Church.
In the last post, I shared the story of our first house-church multiplication and we walked through how a Spirit-led church handles moments that go “off the rails.” We looked at why the Holy Spirit is our only true guardrail for maintaining order, rather than building a scaffolding of human rules.
If you have already read the book and do not wish to receive these weekly emails, simply click ‘Unsubscribe’ at the bottom of this email. It will only unsubscribe you from the Book section, and you will still receive my normal weekly newsletter!
In this post, we close out Chapter 4 by reframing our unmet church desires as gifts meant to be stewarded, and we share how our house-church network handles the sensitive topic of women speaking in the weekly gathering.
Your Desires Are Sometimes Your Gifts
Every day, Christians quietly leave their churches (or just stay disgruntled) because there’s not enough of some ingredient that they wish were present. In doing so, they implicitly state to their pastor and their peers, “You all are here to serve me, and I expect you to do it right.” This, my friends, is not an attitude of submission. It is both a failure to serve and a failure to allow the church to weigh whether what you see is accurate.
To be fair, the traditional church model doesn’t currently function with the sort of openness that is required for people to address these issues properly. But in the case that you’re striving to be a Spirit-led community and to practice submission, I would offer you the following paradigm shift.
A few years ago, someone left our church, and months later, they told me that it was because there wasn’t enough Scripture. Now, you may make your own assumptions about what that means, but my experience has been that our gatherings often have more Scripture than most churches, only not in the format that some people mean when they say, “We want more Scripture.” In any case, this friend had a desire that wasn’t being met, and so he left.
I told him that he was missing the whole point of what we are doing. His desire for “more Scripture” in our gatherings was either from God or it was not. But the only way to be sure was to steward that supposed insight in submission to the Body, viewing it as a potential gift that God gave to him for all of us.
This could’ve been as simple as praying privately for God to stir up more scriptures in our midst, owning his responsibility as a prayer warrior for the church’s growth. It could’ve started with saying to the church: “Hey, I really desire to read more Scripture together. Is anyone else feeling that way?” It could’ve meant that he himself would share a scripture on Sunday: “I was praying this week, and God placed it on my heart for us to read the first chapter of John together. Would you guys be interested?” Or more directly: “I’m going to read the first chapter of John and share some thoughts that God has been stirring in my heart.”
There’s no telling where any of those options would’ve led, but as long as he was humble, the church would’ve moved closer to the Church we all desire. And he would’ve played a vital role in that.
Once again, this could be applied to so many different things. I’ve shared just one story, but I probably have a hundred just like it. Some people wish there were more hangouts outside the gathering. Some people feel like there isn’t enough music when we’re together. Some people would like there to be more focus on the kids. And the list goes on.
Whatever it is, please hear me. God doesn’t give you these desires in order for you to hang them over your church’s head. God didn’t give your church leaders—no, not even your whole church—the ability to cover all the bases without you. Rather, he wanted them to be dependent on you, like you are on them. He wanted to give you a purpose in building up the Church, just as he gave to them. He wanted you to bring something that wouldn’t otherwise be there if you were gone.
Stop thinking of your unmet church desires as needs that others are supposed to meet, and start thinking of them as a gift for you to steward well.
You may find, as you submit them to the Body, that some of them were not actually given to you by God, and are just fleshy desires that you need to grow out of. Be humble and open to that possibility. Or you may find that they are good desires, but that God’s way of bringing them to fruition looks different than the way you imagined. Again, be humble and open to the insight of others, that you may always be refining your gifts.
So we see, once again, the value of submission. How can the Church become all that she is meant to be without it?
Women Speaking in Church
As a final example, I’ll fulfill my promise from the last chapter to tell you where my church stands with women speaking in the assembly. In doing so, you’ll also get to see how we’ve navigated a sensitive theological issue using the biblical standard of submission.
In case you aren’t aware, there is considerable debate across the spectrum of Christian beliefs over what women are permitted (or not permitted) to do in the Church compared to men. Every denomination has its position on the issue, but they vary widely. The two scriptures which probably cause most of the debate are these:
As in all the churches of the saints, the women should keep silent in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but should be in submission, as the Law also says. If there is anything they desire to learn, let them ask their husbands at home. For it is shameful for a woman to speak in church. (1 Corinthians 14:33-35)
Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. (1 Timothy 2:11-14)
On the surface, these passages seem pretty straightforward and, honestly, a bit difficult to swallow for anyone with more modern sensibilities (not that those are all assumed to be correct). And if these were the only scriptures that spoke on the issue, then we would have no real choice but to follow them exactly as they sound—”Women, don’t speak.” However, anyone who is open to the rest of their Bible intuits that it may not be that simple.
For example, in an earlier chapter of the same letter, Paul clearly implies that women are expected to be praying and prophesying in the gathering, only with the caveat that her head is covered (1 Corinthians 11:5). In this light, his later instruction to keep silent would suggest that it was only a certain type of speaking that was prohibited, not all speaking. In the context of chapter 14, it’s possible that he’s referring specifically to the weighing of prophecy (1 Corinthians 14:29), and in the context of his other writings, it’s possible that he’s referring to exercising authority (over men) in general, which includes teaching (1 Timothy 2:11-12) but not most other forms of speaking/prophesying.
Some additional factors to weigh are the fact that women clearly held important roles in the early church under Paul’s ministry (see, for example, Romans 16:1-2 and Philippians 4:3). One of them—Junia—he appears to call an apostle (Romans 16:7), which scholars still debate today. There’s the very interesting verse that “there is no male or female . . . in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28). There’s the fact that Deborah was a prophetess and judge over all of Israel (Judges 4-5). And there’s the promise from God to pour out his Spirit on all flesh—that “your sons and your daughters shall prophesy . . . [and] Even on the male and female servants in those days I will pour out my Spirit” (Joel 2:28-29)—which we, of course, saw the beginnings of at Pentecost (Acts 2:1-21).
I want to be careful here not to open up a massive can of worms or to go down an unnecessary rabbit hole. There are plenty of other arguments I’m not mentioning on either side of the issue, but addressing the full complexities of this subject and examining each viewpoint fairly is far beyond the scope of this book.
In general, what I’d like to convey is that, due to many of the things I referenced above, and having humbly weighed the issue together as a church, through much conversation and prayer, we’ve collectively come to agree on a few things.
First, we agree that God is not currently granting us perfect clarity on the issue. It would, therefore, be terribly unwise for us to come to a final conclusion about it. It’s okay—no, necessary—to admit when you don’t know something. And to date, there’s no simple theological position we’re aware of that the whole church (myself included) is confident enough to endorse. So, whether or not you agree with how we address this issue, I hope you can respect the fact that we admittedly don’t know everything and are doing our best to obey the Scriptures and honor one another.
Second, we all emphatically agree that there is a place for women to minister “speaking” gifts in the gathering. This must be true in some capacity, for the Scriptures say they can pray and prophesy (see 1 Corinthians 11:5). Not to mention, we all genuinely desire the women to do so, believing they have many gifts to offer.
Third, we also agree that men’s and women’s roles are different, and that (according to the Scriptures) women are not to exercise authority over men. This isn’t something that only the men agree with, by the way, but something the women in our church also have a conviction for. They, too, desire to obey the Scriptures and to please God in the role he has given them.
Although we don’t exactly know how to describe when authority is being exercised, we’ve learned that it’s one of those things where “you know it when you see it.” Practically, this means that we continue to operate in the way that I’ve described—each person (man or woman) submitting to one another, freely sharing their gifts in love, humbly weighing what is said and done—and if someone discerns that a woman exercised authority over a man, then they can offer a correction and ask the church to weigh it. And indeed, the things men say are liable to scrutiny just as well. Always and to everyone, the question is: Was that the Holy Spirit?
This, I assure you, is not mere theory for us, but something we actively practice. Letting the Spirit lead in this way, through the collective discernment of the saints in each unique moment, is the most pragmatic approach to maintaining order in the life of the Church while addressing complex theological issues that the Church has largely been unable to solve using the methods of man.
The understanding of submission that we’ve covered in this chapter will come in handy later in the book as we address issues like church discipline, leadership, and unity. But for the next chapter, we’re going to take a brief detour away from the model in order to give some much-needed attention to the message.
< Previous Part | Table of Contents | Next Part >
Questions for the Comments:
When you notice a gap in your church (like a lack of community events, scripture reading, or kids' focus), do you tend to view it as a failure of leadership or as a gift God is calling you to personally steward?
How does the house-church approach of collective, real-time discernment challenge the traditional way we resolve difficult theological debates like women’s roles?
Want to discuss these topics with other like-minded believers? We explore the theology of the Church, discipleship, and spiritual growth in our monthly Community Calls. It’s a great place to connect—upgrade to a paid subscription today to get access!
Like what you’re reading? You don’t have to wait for the next part. You can read the entire book right now in paperback, ebook, or audiobook format on Amazon. Buy ‘Unless God Builds It’ Here
In Christ,
Jake